So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
