woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
