This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
