He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
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As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
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You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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