Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
