Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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