3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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