i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just found puke in my bra..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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