DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
