i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
