you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
