So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
True strength comes from lack of pants
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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