everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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