Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
