I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
