Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
