Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
