is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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