Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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