i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
