oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
