I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
