dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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