I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
