I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
