why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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