I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
