A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
