Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
