I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
