it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he fucked my hip out of place.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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