He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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