I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
