READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
