Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
