Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
