end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
