Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
