my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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