I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
