im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.