I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
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Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful