remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway