Texts From Last Night

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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I wanna come home

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  And do what?

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.

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  (270): I wanna come home (1-270): And do what? (270): Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat. http://tfl.nu/i6u9
  Replies (4) Good night (2522) Bad night (695)
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  (310): View more from California

  Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.

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  (310): Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask. http://tfl.nu/1jf3
  Replies (8) Good night (890) Bad night (2157)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  This bar receipt from last night makes no sense

  (573): View more from Missouri

  You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I wish that would've worked

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  (870): This bar receipt from last night makes no sense (573): You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total (870): I wish that would've worked http://tfl.nu/u8a6
  Replies (24) Good night (3481) Bad night (811)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it

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  (843): just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it http://tfl.nu/dhcg
  Replies (42) Good night (5244) Bad night (1390)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground

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  (617): were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground http://tfl.nu/2c7r
  Replies (40) Good night (10987) Bad night (1327)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.

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  (614): My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation. http://tfl.nu/2cc3
  Replies (12) Good night (928) Bad night (5201)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk

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  (256): Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk http://tfl.nu/ail4
  Replies (33) Good night (4463) Bad night (1421)
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  (716): View more from New York

  One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.

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  (716): One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl. http://tfl.nu/aaag
  Replies (16) Good night (5437) Bad night (1131)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  So you threw a sword at me last night

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.

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  (440): So you threw a sword at me last night (419): I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised. http://tfl.nu/6fwc
  Replies (11) Good night (5833) Bad night (1217)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.

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  (740): This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod. http://tfl.nu/pyaj
  Replies (9) Good night (1941) Bad night (727)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy 

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  (902): Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy  http://tfl.nu/xdoc
  Replies (1) Good night (1053) Bad night (478)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.

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  (317): In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude. http://tfl.nu/kqtp
  Replies (6) Good night (1719) Bad night (585)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?

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  (330): What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed? http://tfl.nu/wlz7
  Replies (1) Good night (489) Bad night (312)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.

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  (602): His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers. http://tfl.nu/dqr9
  Replies (3) Good night (611) Bad night (371)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.

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  (617): reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times. http://tfl.nu/epvb
  Replies (1) Good night (709) Bad night (279)

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