Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore