The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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