the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm always down for nudity.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize