Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Is Oprah even human
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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