I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
