So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
