My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
