This girl is more easily done than said...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
