sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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