So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
