U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
