I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
