If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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