the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
