also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
