i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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