apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
