I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
