He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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