Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
