A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
