I must be too annoying 4 u.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
